Before the Morning

"Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
Cause the pain that you’vebeen feeling,
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.
So hold on you gotta wait for the light,
Press on and just fight the good fight,
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning."

-Josh Wilson, "Before the Morning"

I was rocking the baby this morning when this song came on and it immediately brought tears to my eyes.

My first two pregnancy's were pretty smooth sailing. Yes, I had aches and pains, some morning sickness, and some complications along the way, but nothing that could prepare me for my pregnancy with K-man. We had been TTC and I was eagerly watching my calendar for when I could take a test. I still had several days to go before testing when I was laying in bed one night and suddenly I wasn't feeling too well. I ended up getting sick, and chalked it up to something I ate. The next two days, I got sick on and off and started thinking I was coming down with something. I still had a few days before I was able to test, but I decided to go for it anyway. So I ran out to walmart, got a test and there it was... two pink lines! I was ECSTATIC! But the sickness just got worse. It started before I was even 4 weeks pregnant and it lasted until the day my sweet baby boy was born. I knew it was pretty severe, and as the first trimester came and went and I was still throwing up 20 times a day and not even able to keep a popsicle down, I started feeling pretty down. It wasn't what I had imagined at all. The entire spring, summer and then fall came and went and I didn't even get to enjoy it with my boys.I could barely stand up without getting sick or passing out. I started feeling more and more depressed and just wondering when it would subside. During this time, I would just cry and listen to worship music, and hope to have a "good" day. I remember when I heard this song, the words just hit me and I sobbed and sobbed. I KNEW the "morning" was coming. I knew it would soon be a thing in the past, but at the time, the pain and discomfort was so real it seemed like the joy would never come. I probably listened to this song every day the rest of pregnancy (multiple times), just to get me through the day.

And then it came... The Morning! The day my K-man was born. When that song came on this morning and I was holding my sweet little K, the memories came rushing back. I just felt so overwhelmed by God's faithfulness. We have all had our "dark" times. I know in my life, there have been many of those dark times, but God has brought me through each and every one of them. I know there will be many more trials in my life, and I know there will be more tears and crying out to God, but I know that with those dark times, I can look forward to more "mornings", and more JOY! I hope that any of you who are going through a difficult time right now, are able to have your morning soon.

I am so thankful for my precious little K-man, and the loads of JOY he has brought to our family already!